NBA Minute 190404: The Road to Zion

FUK IS MELO?

Long time I heard anything 'bout Melo.

It was generally believed that after Houston cut him some time back he would latch on to some team that needed a bench scorer or whatever (even though Melo is more than a bench scorer).  The media turned against him; his plus/minus was fukedup or whatever, and he fell out of the league.  And ultimately I believe there were two main reasons why the masses in general turned against him.  One is that he always had this diva kinda persona.  In fact he was one of the first superstars, perhaps even the first, to like force himself off a team.  And second is that in an age obsessed with championships Melo was not nor appeared to be on his way to becoming one, despite his overall talent.  But one thing Melo can do is score his ass off, and even if he isn't "efficient" in doing so there are some teams that can use that skillset.

Note: This is an old picture of Melo.  Dun is probably at home right now,
sleeping on the bed of racks and chillin' his ass off.

The one Playoff(?) team I think could use him the most is the Detroit Pistons.  Since these dudes have had scoring issues for the last umpteenth years, Melo would definitely help in that regard.  Plus having someone like Andre Drummond around could help make up for Carmelo's well-documented defensive issues.  Also at this point it seems pretty obvious that Blake Griffin's health is not something you can rely on.  And second on the list of teams that could possibly use Melo I would say is the San Antonio Spurs.

THE ROAD TO ZION

There has been a history of allegations that the NBA has rigged its drafts dating back to before I even started watching basketball.  We've all seen popular hometown boys like D-Rose, LBJ and Lonzo Ball go their city's teams, Cleveland get three number-one picks within four years, etc.  But statistically-speaking, sh*t happens.  In other words the same organization that has been accused with the cheating is the same organization that is responsible for stopping the cheating.  So in that regard, Mr. Adam Silver, I think that the Atlanta Hawks are the currently-garbage team that would benefit the most from drafting Zion Williamson.

'Fukin camera out my face, biatch.'

First off let me say that I'm not on that 'Zion is the next LBJ' sh*t.  Zion reminds me more of Andrew Wiggins, not that he will become as generally irrelevant as Wiggins currently is but rather in the sense that just like Wiggins people are comparing him and Lebron.  And just like Wiggins, he lost in a tournament that Lebron, had he participated, likely would have won (if not at least taken his team to the Final Four).  So as for me personally, I don't particularly see him as the next LBJ, not at this point.

But like every other fan, I'm looking forward to seeing Zion in the NBA.  And in that regard this is how I think he would rank in terms of fit on the teams that, as far as I know, are the most-garbage and thus have the highest probability of getting the number-one pick:

6 - NEW YORK KNICKS

If the Knicks sign a couple of superstar free agents, they would likely stifle (i.e. through chucking) the development of Zion Williamson.  If no superstar signs with the Knicks and they get Zion, the onus would be on him to be the man from day one, and that too is not ideal, especially since he can't even lead a team to a NCAA Championship.

5 - CHICAGO BULLS

As of now honestly I couldn't even tell you who the point-guard of the Bulls is, and Zion needs a point-guard.

4 - PHOENIX SUNS

Seeing him on Phoenix would be intriguing, but to my understanding Devin Booker is a chuck, and with dun dropping 50 points at will it's kinda hard to tell him not to be.  Rather the Suns are tasked with putting a team together around him(?) that can win as opposed to chasing superstars.

3 - NEW ORLEANS PELICANS

I think the Pelicans would be perfect for Zion if they actually retained Anthony Davis, but right now that looks like a long shot.

2 - DALLAS MAVERICKS

Seeing Zion on the Mavericks with Luka and co. would also be pretty-damn cool, but there's a better option.

1 - ATLANTA HAWKS

If the Hawks land Zion Williamson we're looking at alley-oop city.  In other words coupling Williamson with the electrifying Trae Young as well as an Atlanta team that is already enjoyable to behold would instantly make the Hawks like one of the top must-watch teams in the NBA, even more than the Lakers.  In fact if Atlanta lucked out like this (which would eventually attract other players that could fit their system), at this point I'll go as far as to say that Trae Young's career may prove to be even more-successful than Luka Doncic.  And while I'm at it, fukit, let me take it a step further - sign Melo after you get Zion.  Contenders anyone?  So please Mr. Silver, do your thing.